This interesting nugget from the Bible is soothing my post Olympic matrimonial stress these days. Just try sitting beside my partner for life when he's holding the remote control (which is always), and see if you can remain happily married through a blur of gymnastic channel flicking. "Divine mystery", which is another Biblical expression for how the union of lives is to work, seems to fit our marriage rather well.

For over 17 years we've been talking about how to solve this mystery of hearts and have decided we're at that stage where, with a smile, we can admit it's a rather challenging journey. Earlier this summer, news from Statistics Canada gave us a demoralizing blow when we learned the government will no longer keep score on the marriage event. Not worth the cost, said the powers that be. Maybe our marriages already reap enough attention. After all, this is the life of the happier, healthier, wealthier - or so conclude two recent studies from university sources. We live on a street that seems to reflect those benefits. Every morning "wealthier" moves into action and you can set your watch by the car engines starting, sending couples off to gain the ability to pay their bills for food and shelter. "Healthier" is also regular, evening walks, baseball in the park, lawn care, and one neighbor couple who make the rounds in a motorized wheelchair with oxygen tank in tow. As for happier ?

This one is a little tougher to track. We can all scale mountains of effort we've spent accumulating the material benefits we thought would make our lives happy. But what about the inner efforts we spend that keep our love happy ? It's a tremendously stubborn pursuit to push into each other's heart. It's that tough stuff of honest, brave communication that doesn't snark and waits for gentle timing It's little things, like the ice cream cone he brings me home with a melting smile. It's slow things, like sitting together on the lawn and watching the kids play. It is talking and listening about whats happening in our lives, saying with sincerity something positive about each other to each other every day.

Simply sitting together, without a remote control, is rare in our union. But it happened the other day at church on a Sunday morning. There in the pew we held hands and I cried as we watched something unusual in the order of service. A couple named Cliff and Anna stood before us, someone followed them with a home video camera, and the pastor led them in a renewal of marriage vows they had broken years earlier. Cliff reached into his jeans and pulled out a ring, Anna softly said, "I do", and a four year old shyly clung to their knees while the pastor told them, "It's going to be a different love this time, because you have invited the love of Christ into this union."

A few years ago I interviewed Mary, a woman whose partner for life died a month before their 50th wedding anniversary. She sparkled with confidence about how happy they'd been, and she claimed there was a secret to follow. Every night before they climbed into bed, Mary and Art prayed together. Honest, emptying of their hearts, and lifting of their hopes before the One who created the "divine mystery."